P4X (transcript)
(A swarm of alien probes heads for Earth) (It's night on Earth. In the ATF bunker, Stan and the boy Digby are still strapped up on the wall) DIGBY: What was your crime? STAN: Not flying as far away as I could from this stupid planet when I had the chance DIGBY: In your big dragonfly? STAN: The Lexx DIGBY: Why didn't you? STAN: Because I'm stupid, OK? DIGBY: I wish I could fly away from this planet. Will you take me with you when you go? STAN: (shouts down) Tell Prince I wanna talk to him! Tell him - I'm very uncomfortable, he's made his point, and I'm willing to make a deal! DIGBY: Stanley - STAN: Tell him Stanley H Tweedle is a practical man! DIGBY: What kind of deal? STAN: Look, no offence OK, but I don't like children. We're stuck here beside each other for now, so I'll agree not to bug you, if you agree not to bug me. OK? DIGBY: OK (He starts crying. Stan sighs, then goes back to shouting) STAN: I'm in agony here! Tell Prince I wanna see him right now! (Prince is watching Stan from his office high on the opposite wall - Stan looks tiny from there. Prince frames him between his thumb and index finger, pretends to crush him, and chuckles) (Texas. A women's prison. Two female guards drag Xev up to a desk where a warden - Heidi - is doing her paperwork. She has a strange accent - meant to be Texan?) HEIDI: You're the one that killed four guys at the Lilliput trailer park, right? XEV: I didn't kill anyone HEIDI:(bored) I believe you, name? XEV: Xev HEIDI: Xev what? XEV: Xev Bellringer of B3K HEIDI: Is B3K in Texas? XEV: No HEIDI: Then where is it? XEV: B3K is another planet, far away from here HEIDI: Ain't no space on this form for other planets (Xev leans over the desk to look at the form, but the guards pull her back) XEV: All I know is that I'm from the planet B3K. I don't know where on it exactly HEIDI: OK, lets make this easy - did you grow up in a city, town, or in the countryside? XEV: I grew up in a box HEIDI: That'd be Houston then XEV: How long do I have to stay here? HEIDI: Oh, I'd say about - 25, years, to life. That's 25 of our Earth years (She laughs, and puts a plastic bag containing panties on the desk) XEV: What's that for? HEIDI: That's a fresh pair of panties for you to put on. Don't matter whether you like 'em or not - you won't be wearing 'em long (Xev looks at a security camera. Someone is watching her on it - a goth girl with long black hair, who you may recognise as Lomea from 2.13 Twilight. Lomea zooms in on Xev, licks the screen, and presses her face against it) (A young missionary - it's Brock from 3.3 Gametown - walks up to a hideously brightly coloured house, and knocks on the door. We can't see who answers, but it's Lomea) MISS: Do you have joy in your life? LOMEA: No MISS: I'd like to give you a life of joy! (He holds up a copy of his book, A Life of Joy, and smiles at her) LOMEA: I was asleep. You woke me up. That does not make my life joyful MISS: (laughs, confused) But it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon LOMEA: I prefer to sleep during the day MISS: Why? LOMEA: Because that's when people like you are awake (She grabs the missionary and pulls him inside the house) (The ATF bunker. Boredom has finally set in) STAN: OK. So where you from? DIGBY: Sulphur Louisiana STAN: Where? DIGBY: I'm from Sulphur Louisiana STAN: Ah. Nice place? DIGBY: No STAN: Oh. Too bad DIGBY: Where are you from? STAN: Well - I'm from Ostral B, actually DIGBY: Ostral B? STAN: Yeah, yeah - I was a hero there. But that's in the Light Universe, you know, it's a different universe from this one. This is the Dark Universe. The last planet I was on was the Cluster, which was the capital of the League of 20,000 Planets DIGBY: What did you do there? STAN: Security DIGBY: What kind of security? Was it dangerous? STAN: Dangerous? (laughs) I laugh in the face of danger (In his office, Prince turns on his monitor for a close up view of this conversation) DIGBY: Did you capture space criminals? STAN: Well, yeah, stuff like that - look, you don't get to be the captain of the most powerful vessel in the two universes without having gone through quite a few difficult situations (Prince chuckles) PRINCE: Oh, Stanley, Stanley DIGBY: Wow. They put me here because I saw your spaceship go behind the moon with my telescope. What's it like? STAN: Well, like a big bug really - except with mechanical parts. And - it is the most powerful destructive force ever built DIGBY: Who owns it? STAN: Well, I guess you could say I do, Stanley H Tweedle DIGBY: How do you control it? STAN: Well, it's kinda hard to explain really - look, this is a Type 13 planet, and you people - you're nowhere near my level of mental advancement DIGBY: Guess not (he's not convinced of this) STAN: But I'll try to put it as simply as I can - um, I control the Lexx with a key - key? That lives inside me, and only me DIGBY: Forever and ever? STAN: Forever and ever - well, as long as I'm alive anyway (He laughs. So does Prince) STAN: So, yeah - we flew down here in a moth DIGBY: Like the kind that flies around at night? (Prince starts singing, to the tune of Oh say can you see) PRINCE: Oh, Stanley Tweedle... STAN: Well yeah, kinda, except ours are much bigger. Ours are big enough to carry passengers. Prince stole one PRINCE: I am feeling... DIGBY: Prince isn't a very nice man PRINCE: Evil STAN: You know, I don't even know if Prince is a man. I mean, he used to be the ruler of this really evil planet called Fire, and he, he would die over and over again, and every time he'd come back, same as before, except more evil PRINCE: Tweet tweet, Tweedle (Longbore's lab - the exterior of which bears a striking resemblance to Electropolis. Kai, Longbore, Dougall and assorted geeks. Tina sets up a transmitter) TINA: What frequency should I use? KAI: It does not matter TINA: Why not? KAI: 790 listens to all frequencies. He will respond to the sound of my voice TINA: Really? KAI: 790 (790 appears on a nearby monitor) 790: Oh, breath of death! Breathe life into me again! KAI: 790 has an affinity for dead men 790: Just one stiff - and he is the stiffest! (Tina looks at Kai) KAI: May I talk to Stanley? 790: Why would you want to? KAI: 790, please tell Stanley that I would like to talk to him 790: Sadly, you can't KAI: Why not? 790: He's gone KAI: Where? 790: Down to the Earth, with Prince KAI: The same Prince who ruled the planet Fire? 790: He looked the same. And he was just as evil. He said his name was Isambard Prince (This name clearly rings a bell with the geeks) KAI: Where did he take Stanley? 790: Out of my sight, and away from you, which is entirely excellent from my point of view LONG: Isambard Prince is a truly evil man at the head of an evil organisation - the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms KAI: Where would I find him? LONG: In Washington DC KAI: What is Washington DC? LONG: The capital city of this country (Kai starts to walk away, but Longbore grabs his arm) LONG: Where are you going? KAI: To fins Stan and Xev (Kai carries on walking to the door) 790: Kai! Kai! Don't leave. We have so much more to talk about. Kai! Talk to me. Kai! Kai!! LONG: You promised to help us leave this planet. The dead clearly do not keep their promises (Kai stops, thinks about this, then walks back to the monitor) KAI: 790? 790: Yes, beloved blackness? KAI: I want you to search all electromagnetic signals on this planet for amy information that will help me locate Stan and Xev 790: I can't KAI: Why not? 790: I'm too busy - dreaming of you KAI: Do you love me, 790? 790: Madly! KAI: Then you will do as I say, and help me find Xev and Stan 790: Oh, all right then - but under protest! KAI: And 790 - I want you to tell these people everything they need to know to be able to leave this planet in the way they want (The geeks all cheer) 790: You could have asked me to do something difficult at least LONG: We need to leave this planet in the next few months. Teach us how to build a space vessel capable of carrying us safely to another life bearing planet 790: You can't build one LONG: But you just said to Kai that it was not difficult 790: Of course it's not difficult - and of course you can't build one because this is a type 13 planet in its final stage. You simply do not have the technology to create such a vessel. However - you do have the rough technology to build big machines, which can build smaller machines which can build the tiny machines capable of constructing the vessel you need (The geeks all smile) (Meanwhile, back in prison, it's time for the obligatory shower scene. Xev hangs her costume on a hook and gets into the shower) HEIDI: You do a good job now (She and the guards watch, as Xev and some other inmates shower - in the best possible taste, of course. Heidi holds up new panties) HEIDI: That's enough! (The guards stop the water. Xev covers her breasts with her hands, turns and walks to Heidi) XEV: I want to wear my own clothes HEIDI: I hate to disappoint you, but one does not get to wear what one wants in the Texas prison system (Xev is not happy, but she takes the panties, and orange overalls) (On the Lexx, 790 is watching Stan and Digby on the view screen) STAN: Anyway, like I was saying Prince stole a moth, flew it down here DIGBY: How? STAN: Well, moths aren't that hard to fly really, you just point the joystick where you want, and - off you go (790 reports back to Kai) 790: Oh, black and beautiful! KAI: What is it, 790? 790: My good deed for the day (790 shows him the Stan footage) STAN: Yeah, we flew down in a moth and then flew into a little building underground, then he took me up, put me up here beside you DIGBY: Where's your moth shuttle now? STAN: I don't know. Somewhere right around here, I hope KAI: Thank you, 790. What is Stanley's location? 790: I don't know. Somewhere on that stupid planet KAI: Where exactly? 790: I don't know! I suppose I could trace the signal and figure it out eventually - if I really had to. But I would have to analyse endless possibilities, which is just a huge waste of time KAI: 790 - waste the time, and inform me of Stanley Tweedle's precise location as soon as you have determined it 790: Oh! (In the bunker, Prince takes a crane lift up to Stan) PRINCE: Hello, captain STAN: Well, finally! PRINCE: Finally - what? STAN: Finally I get off this wall. This is really uncomfortable, you know PRINCE: Sadly - for you at least - I'm not here to release you. At least, not in the way that you would like. Now - who shall I drop to his death first? The security guard 4th class, or the pathetic little science student? STAN: Drop the pathetic little science student! PRINCE: Perhaps, but not quite yet. First, there's an experiment I want to try with you, Stanley STAN: Experiment? PRINCE: Yes Stanley. You have the key, to the Lexx. I want it STAN: No way, pal PRINCE: Yes way, Stanley. Because the only way I can be one hundred percent certain that when the Lexx leaves this planet I will be onboard, is for me to have the key STAN: So you wanna make a deal? PRINCE: No - I want to kill you. And at your moment of death, in theory anyway, the key will fly from your hand - and into mine. And I'm about to test that theory right now, by removing your supports and dropping you to your death on the concrete floor below (Prince presses some buttons on a control pad. The arm and leg restraints on Stan and Digby retract, leaving them balanced on the foot supports) DIGBY: No! PRINCE: Why? DIGBY: You can't kill him! He's an Ostral B hero PRINCE: Is he now? STAN: Yeah, and the key might go into him instead of you PRINCE: Precisely, and that's why he is a very important part of this experiment. Because if the key does go into him, I shall press a second button and drop the pathetic little science student to his death STAN: The key still won't go into you PRINCE: We'll see STAN: It won't go into you because it can't! PRINCE: Why not? STAN: Because you're not alive. The key can only go into somebody who's really alive, and that means it's gonna find someone else PRINCE: I think I'm really alive STAN: Yeah, but you're not sure, are ya? PRINCE: Perhaps (smiles) Still, this is an awfully good way to find out (Prince pushes another button, and Stan's foot supports start to pull back into the wall - but on the Lexx, 790 is busy interfering with circuits. Prince tries again - the foot supports go, but the neck restraint re-emerges. Stan grabs onto it as he falls - but the key flows from his hand. It flies past Prince, and into Digby) (The prison - a large room, with P4X Mess painted on the wall. There are rows of prisoners on benches. Xev is sitting with her hands around her feet, looking at a piece of paper and a pen. At the front of the room is a blackboard, with girls names written on it. Heidi is standing there, with her husband the warden - a bored man, dictating from a clipboard) WARDEN: "My name is" - then just pick a name from the list - Tiffany, Melanie, any name, it doesn't matter. "I am sixteen years old, with blue eyes and blonde hair" HEIDI: Or green eyes and red hair, they like that too WARDEN: "I am a junior in high school. I have no boyfriend, because I study all the time - " PRISON: How do you spell school? WARDEN: S-c-h-o-o-l (laughs) and look - don't worry about the spelling. You think they read the letters? All they want is your panties, to do whatever it is they - I don't really want to think about it. All you need to know is that inmates in this facility will not receive clean underwear unless they've handed in their dirty ones with one of these nice little letters attached. Am I making myself clear? Good. Where was I? HEIDI: "I have no boyfriend" WARDEN: "I have no boyfriend, because I study all the time to get good grades" (laughs) which is something none of you ever did. Anyway - "Someday I want to fall in love with a strong and handsome businessman, with lots and lots of money" (Lomea walks into the room, wearing a very short black dress. She looks at Xev) LOMEA: You're pretty (Xev looks at her. Lomea then looks at the warden) LOMEA: You're sick WARDEN: I'm learning to live with it. What do you want, my beloved darling daughter? LOMEA: Who is she? HEIDI: That's Xev of B3K. She's from another planet WARDEN: And she's already killed four people, so don't get too close (Lomea sucks her finger at Xev) WARDEN: "I hope you enjoy my panties. They are my favourite pair, which my mother gave me on my birthday. I only wore them once. I like to make people happy" Love, Tiffany, Melanie, Jessica - whatever HEIDI: Off with your panties! (All the girls stand up and star undoing their overalls - except Xev) HEIDI: Well? XEV: Well? HEIDI: Underwear, please WARDEN: She hasn't written anything down - you haven't written anything down! Look at her paper, it's completely blank (Xev gets up) XEV: I'm leaving, so - goodbye (Xev pushes between them, and heads for the door) HEIDI: If only it were that simple (She blows a whistle. A guard arrives, and stops Xev) HEIDI: Put her in the hold! That filly needs to be broken (Xev is taken away. Lomea follows) WARDEN: Whatever it is that goes on in that girl's mind comes entirely from your side of the family HEIDI: She's no daughter of mine, she comes from some kind of parallel universe WARDEN: And you don't?! (Two guards take Xev downstairs, her arms chained to her waist. She struggles and cries out, but they throw her into a narrow cell, just big enough for a bed and a bucket) (Stan is still dangling from the neck restraint. Prince tries the buttons again) PRINCE: It doesn't appear to be working. Nevertheless, the first part of my little experiment is now complete. The key has left you, Stanley, but unfortunately has transferred itself to the pathetic little science student instead of me. However, before I can start the second part of my experiment, which is to drop that science student to his death, perhaps I ought to cut you down first. After all, we don't want the key returning to you now, do we? STAN: Please Prince, please I'll do anything you want, anything! DIGBY: I'll do it STAN: Hey hey, kid, kid, we're friends, right? DIGBY: I'll cut his fingers off PRINCE: Why do you want to? DIGBY: I don't know, I just do for some reason. Please Mr Prince - I want to kill him STAN: Hey hey hey! Sulphur Louisiana, Ostral B, remember?! PRINCE: What a bad choice. I think I rather like him (Prince moves the crane across to Digby, opens the gate and holds out his hand. Digby shakes hands, and steps onto the crane - then he flicks a blade out of his wristwatch, stabs Prince in the back, and kicks him off the crane) STAN: Thatta boy! (Digby lowers the crane to the ground) STAN: Hey, I was kidding! I really do like children! (Prince has landed on his back on a crate. He is not moving, and there is a trickle of blood coming from his mouth. Digby clambers onto him, checks his pockets. He finds the phial of water which Prince always had with him on Fire, but he leaves that, and just takes Prince's ATF ID card) DIGBY: Looks like your little science student isn't so pathetic after all (He gets down and runs to the door) STAN: Hey kid! Kid, please come back, get me down outta here (But Digby opens the door with Prince's card, and leaves) STAN: I can't hold on here! (In prison, Xev is having a restless night. Someone opens her cell door, strokes her face - then clamps a hand over her mouth. Xev wakes and struggles, but more than one person holds her down) (Stan is still dangling. He manages to reach down and pull his boot off. He drops it down at the crane - but it misses the controls) STAN: Come on Stan. Come on, you can do it (He reaches for his other boot, and tries again. This time the boot hits the right button, and the crane comes up to him) STAN: Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Nice bootie, nice bootie (He clambers onto the crane, puts his boots back on, and lowers the crane to the ground) STAN: Ha ha. Can't fool Stan (He gets off the crane and walks over to Prince, smiling) STAN: So, you were mortal after all (He leans over Prince, laughing - ) STAN: Weren't you, Prince? ( - and Prince opens his eyes. Stan jumps back) PRINCE: Don't be so sure, Stanley. However, I do now better understand the meaning of the word pain (he winces) Stanley - we must stop the boy (Prince tries to get up, stiffly. He lies on the crate) STAN: We? PRINCE: Yes - you and me. The boy intends to steal the Lexx from the two of us STAN: He intends to escape with me (Prince grabs Stan's shoulder) PRINCE: Stanley - you are a fool. Why don't you listen to someone who knows human nature better than you (Stan hits Prince's hand away and walks off) STAN: Goodbye, Prince. I'm outta here PRINCE: Stanley - where are you going? STAN: As far away from you as I can get PRINCE: How? (Stan hasn't thought about this) PRINCE: I know where the moth is. Do you? (laughs) (Xev is standing in a spotlight, somewhere dark. She hears a voice) LOMEA: Tell us your story XEV: I'm Xev Bellringer (On the Lexx, 790 is picking up the signal) XEV: My story? After I was abandoned by my parents as a child, I grew up in a box, on the planet B3K, which is in the Light Universe (790 contacts Kai) 790: I have found it, but it's everywhere KAI: Where? 790: Everywhere! All over the planet XEV: That's a parallel universe to this one, which is called the Light Zone (The monitor in Longbore's lab is showing Xev on a live web site, which has a border of chains, and little animated handcuffs, and scantily clad women - Lomia's Lair) TINA: It's an Internet site called P4X LONG: The Internet is a computer communication network. P4X is a famous site (Kai watches Xev's broadcast. Tina watches Kai) XEV: Unfortunately, the Light Universe doesn't exist anymore. It was destroyed by robotic drone arms under the control of the evil Bio-Vizier Mantrid. On the Cluster, I was sentenced to become a love slave. I was given a beautiful body and programmed to fall totally in love with the first man I saw. But the operation went wrong. I got the body. A robot head, 790, got the mental programming I was supposed to get and now he's totally in love with a dead man - Kai 790: And proud of it! KAI: Where does it come from? TINA: No-one knows LONG: P4X is a bandit site TINA: Every time it appears it has a different computer address XEV: You have to understand, I was programmed by a machine to be the perfect woman, to make a man happy through physical love - but I never get the chance. Every time I'm close to love, something goes wrong. I'm not a love slave - I'm a loveless slave. I have the perfect body, but I cannot find myself a man. I thought I loved Kai, and maybe I still do (sadly) but I have learned that I cannot find love KAI: 790, locate the origin of this signal 790: I can't! It's everywhere. Who cares about her anyway? Think about me! KAI: Locate the origin of the signal 790: OK, OK, I'll try XEV: Every night when I go to sleep, I dream of finding myself hot and wet and naked in bed with a strong and well equipped man 790: There KAI: Where? 790: I don't know. Somewhere very close to where you are now, in the Earth state of Texas. But that's the best I can do - for a while anyway KAI: Thank you 790 (He goes to leave) LONG: Will you be back? KAI: Perhaps XEV: All I know is - I want to find him (she cries) I have to find him. And someday I will find him (The ATF bunker. A guard is walking along a corridor, and runs into Digby, who pretends to cry) DIGBY: I can't find my father! I can't find my father! (The guard kneels beside him) GUARD: What's wrong, son? DIGBY: I've lost my father. He was here, and I was with him, but now I can't find him GUARD: What's your father's name? (Digby shows the guard Prince's ID, and the guard rushes to a nearby phone) (Stan now has Prince's arm around his shoulder, and is helping him to stand, while Prince checks his pockets) STAN: Why am I doing this? You're the most evil person I ever met, I can't believe I'm helping you PRINCE: Sometimes Stanley, in order to help yourself, you have to help others. He must have taken it STAN: What? PRINCE: My key card. That's how he got out (Digby grabs the guard's gun from his belt and aims it at him) GUARD: Hey - that's not a toy, kid DIGBY: My father went to the room where the secret special space moth is kept. Where is it? GUARD: Here, give me the gun and I'll tell you DIGBY: You tell me where the moth is, and I'll give it to you GUARD: Back down this way, till you hit room 1A. Now give it to me (Digby shoots the guard, repeatedly) DIGBY: You asked for it (He tucks the gun into the back of his pyjama bottoms. Two more guards race around the corner. He puts on the tears again, then shoots them while they are checking on the other guard's body. He takes their guns as well) STAN: So what do we do now? PRINCE: We wait for him to find the moth STAN: Oh, what good is that gonna do us? PRINCE: The moth is here, Stanley STAN: Here? PRINCE: Yes STAN: Where? PRINCE: Over there, in that corner STAN: Well then why did we try to open the door? PRINCE: In order to get help STAN: Oh, for yourself, right? Not for me, because if the moth is already here, I didn't need to go anywhere, did I? (Prince smiles) STAN: Oh you really are so evil (Stan lets Prince fall to the floor) (Digby is running along a passageway - with a plastic bag full of guns) (Lomea is licking a web cam, and watching the image of her tongue on the monitor. Xev struggles as four of the prisoners chain her arms and legs to a mattress. Xev is now wearing a white bra and panties. Lomea has some Goth friends with her) GOTH: We just passed ten million logins - it's the best ever LOMEA: She's the best ever. Give it to her XEV: What? (Lomea kneels beside her, strokes her forehead) LOMEA: The missionary (She licks Xev's chin) (On a street somewhere, Kai is looking at a newspaper, which has a picture of Xev on the front page, and a report on the trailer park shooting. Kai asks a nearby kid for help) KAI: Could you read this for me please? KID: What part? KAI: Any part KID: "The Dallas Bugle. A dollar fifty. The most read paper in Texas" KAI: Thank you. That's all I need. I can read the rest myself now KID: You're weird, mister KAI: The dead are weird (The goths draw back a curtain to reveal the missionary, in leather harness and mask, chained to a X shaped frame. Lomea is delighted, makes adjustments to his crotch. He struggles) (Mr and Mrs warden are in their separate beds. He is watching P4X) HEIDI: Why do you watch that? WARDEN: It's more exciting than anything that happens in this marriage HEIDI: Nothing exciting ever happened in this marriage WARDEN: Must have had one moment of excitement HEIDI: I don't remember it WARDEN: Nor do I - but our beloved darling daughter came about somehow (He sees Xev) WARDEN: That's her! HEIDI: Who? WARDEN: The new prisoner - Xev of - R2D2 HEIDI: That ain't possible. I put Xev of B3K in the hold (On screen, Lomea pulls a frilly heart off the missionary's crotch) HEIDI: He's impressive WARDEN: It's her! HEIDI: Who? WARDEN: Our beloved darling daughter - who sleeps all day, and says she does nothing all night. This is what she really does (They race out of the bedroom) (Digby now has two guards held at gun point, outside room A1) DIGBY: Unlock it GUARD: No (Digby shoots him, aims at the other guard) DIGBY: Open it! (The guard keys in a code, and the door opens) DIGBY: This isn't it, I was already in this room. Where's the moth? GUARD: It's over there, in the back corner. Behind the support, you can just see it (Digby shoots him, then puts the gun into his bag) DIGBY: Thanks (He walks into the centre of the room - and sees Stan) DIGBY: Stanley STAN: Digby! You came back! (Stan holds out his arms - Digby holds out a gun, and shoots at Stan, who runs for cover. Digby heads for the moth, climbs inside) (Kai walks into the prison. Behind the bars of the office, a fax is coming through, approving Xev for release. Kai aims his brace at the lock, then Heidi arrives, opens the door) HEIDI: Lomea!(to Kai) The prison's closed, nothing's open till 8, so leave, you better come back later (The warden arrives, and stops Kai from entering) KAI: I am looking for Xev of B3K WARDEN: So are we HEIDI: Are you a relation? KAI: No. I must see her now WARDEN: It's not that easy, matey boy. She's being held for murder KAI: Did she kill anyone? HEIDI: I guess not - this here fax is ordering her release (The warden comes to look at the fax - Kai follows) HEIDI: You look weird KAI: I am dead WARDEN: What do you want Xev for? KAI: To assist her in leaving HEIDI: Leaving Texas? KAI: Leaving this planet HEIDI: Lomea!! WARDEN: Hey, steady matey boy! No-one comes in off the street and leaves with an inmate (Kai aims his brace at the wardens neck) WARDEN: Until now (Kai carries on inside the prison) (In the bunker, Digby's moth takes off) PRINCE: Don't just stand there, Stanley. He'll take the Lexx and leave without us STAN: Hey kid, stop! You can't fly the Lexx without me DIGBY: You said all that's needed is the key to fly it, and I have the key, right? (Digby holds up his hand, which glows) STAN: Yeah, but listen, you won't know what to do. You need my superior intelligence! You can't leave me here, I'm an Ostral B hero! DIGBY: I salute you, noble hero! (salutes) STAN: You can't leave me here on this stupid planet, you can't leave me here with Prince! PRINCE: Quickly, Stanley! STAN: What? PRINCE: The blue button on the panel near the door STAN: What about it? PRINCE: Press it, now! (Stan presses the button, and the door in the roof of the bunker starts to close) DIGBY: I am the captain of the Lexx! I control the most powerful weapon ever built, and I am leaving this planet forever! I am the captain of - No! (The moth flies straight into the door, and Digby falls out onto the floor - splat! The key leaves him. Prince and Stan both raise their hands to it, but it ignores Prince and returns to Stan, who smiles) (Back in prison, the missionary is being lowered onto Xev) MISS: I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! XEV: About what? MISS: About being forced to do this to you XEV: You're not doing it to me - they are. Think of it that way. And I don't really mind (smiles) MISS: (sobs) Oh - but - XEV: But what? MISS: I wanna stay faithful to my Snugga Wuzza XEV: Who is Snugga Wuzza? MISS: She's in the front row of my choir. I know she don't see me now, but every night I pray that someday she'll be my bride XEV: Yeah? MISS: I wanna save myself for her, and give her a life of joy (He sobs some more. Xev lies back in disbelief) (The bunker. ATF guards rush in. Prince smiles) PRINCE: Stanley - (Stan is looking at the key in his hands - then realises he is surrounded by guards. The moth lands behind them) (Kai and Mr and Mrs warden arrive in Lomea's lair) XEV: Kai! KAI: Xev (The warden takes the missionary's mask off) WARDEN: Who are you? MISS: I was doing my mission - spreading a life of joy HEIDI: What is this sick business you got going on here? MISS: I was abducted by her, along with the rest of them WARDEN: The rest of who? MISS: Up there, up there (On a ledge above them are about 6 more men in leather, held captive) WARDEN: This is your missionary collection? LOMEA: It's my Internet project, to make some money - so that I could get away from you! HEIDI: Make some extra money? This little stunt's gonna land you behind bars LOMEA: I'm underage. Oh, I take after you, both of you! (She leaves. Kai raises the missionary's frame, frees Xev) WARDEN: We are finished. They're gonna kick us out of the prison system, unless I apply for a transfer. Hinsville? Supposed to be nice there, in the spring (Later, outside the prison. Kai, Xev and the missionary, back in their own clothes) MISS: It's a life of joy (He hands Xev a copy of his book, and leaves. She opens it, upside down) XEV: What is it? KAI: It is called a book. Books contain useful information - sometimes. And interesting stories - less often (She closes it) XEV: The moth we came in was destroyed, wasn't it? KAI: Yes XEV: So where will we go now? KAI: To Washington DC XEV: What's in Washington DC? KAI: Stanley XEV: Oh (Kai walks away. Xev follows him) (Lomea and her parents are in a car, making their escape) HEIDI: I hope you're happy LOMEA: Nothing will ever make me happy when I have parents like you HEIDI: So, what's next, Mr Success-story-not-exactly? (The warden spits out of the window - then realises the window is closed) WARDEN: You always wanted me to have a political career. I thought maybe I'd try and get elected Mayor of Waco (Heidi laughs, then sees something outside) HEIDI: What was that? Stop the car! (He brakes, she gets out) HEIDI: I just saw something move WARDEN: (mimics) I just saw something move! (Among the bushes by the roadside are some of the alien probes from the start of the episode. They look like carrots, with an eyeball and four mechanical legs at the widest end. They make a sort of clanking, screaming sound. Heidi bends over to look at one of them - and another assaults her from behind) WARDEN: (bored, sounds horn) What is keeping that mother of yours? (He gets out of the car, goes to look for her) WARDEN: Heidi, beloved darling - what's eating you now? (He sees a carrot, bends down - and is ambushed. He screams, writhes on the ground. Lomea looks out of the car, and grins) LOMEA: Goodbye, creeps (She drives off, laughing) (In the bunker, Stan is back up on the wall) STAN: Get me down outta here! (His arm restraints undo -) STAN: Prince! ( - and then the legs. 790 is having fun with him) STAN: Prince! OK Prince, you made your point. Ah! Stop fooling around with these stupid manacles! (On the Lexx, 790 watches, makes the manacles open and close) 790: And - uh oh! Hang on for dear life, meat puppet! Whee! And open! Close! (laughs) Category:Transcripts